I am applying for smoker's benefits
(Before I start this blog, I want everyone to know that I am not mad at smoker's, nor do I not appreciate them. I truly believe that they have figured out the secret to life in the army.)
I have decided that I want to be a part of the smoker's club, I want their benefits! When they are feeling a little stressed.. smoke break. When they are nervous about an upcoming event.. smoke break. When they are tired of doing whatever the job is.. smoke break. If they are not even sure if they have had a smoke break yet.. smoke break. This is the ultimate club. Can you imagine how many breaks a smoker could legitimately take. They are absolute geniuses!! Who would have thought that the smoker's club was the club to be in.
I mean, let's think about this. When we are stressed or tired what can a non-smoking joe do? Better yet, what can the non-smoking joe do in Iraq? Well, I can't drive up to the closest px to get away for a moment, or grab something to snack on. I can't just leave the area by going for a walk to calm down or get a grip. The non-smoking joe will always be right there to be picked for the next job because he is not on a smoke break, which would allow him to be looked over for that moment. When you walk by and see someone smoking out back, you automatically think "oh, they are on a smoke break". When you walk by and see someone just sitting out back, you think "what is that soldier doing just sitting there? Doesn't he have something to do?".
Therefore, this past weekend, I decided that I was going to join the millions of smokers out there in the army. (This is where you will think I am crazy.) I decided to buy my first pack of cigarettes Saturday. I told my husband while we were at WalMart, our social hang out I might add, about my theory on the smoker's club. He laughed at me of course, but why wouldn't he...he has been a member for over 30 years. He is practically, a hall of famer!! I told him I wanted to buy a pack today. To join the elite club. To be one of the group.
So, as we approach the counter, I start to get nervous. I had never bought cigarettes for myself, just my husband. I get anxious and tell my husband that I don't know what to choose. He tries to help me by saying to pick something light and probably menthol, to help with the taste. He was trying to conceal his giggles at me. Well, I got so nervous that I now own a pack of Kools in the green pack, Newport Lights in the white short pack with stripes on the side and possibly my winner is the Misty Menthol Ultra Lights in the pretty pack with a rainbow. Now, you are wondering why I described the packs. That was my logic for picking them. Hey, remember, I am just a 'newbie' at this. :)
Anyway, I am now ready to be invited to the next meeting. To be a part of a club. One of the smokers during the illustrious smoke breaks. I wonder what they talk about? I did not even think about that. What if I am not prepared? Oh, this will be interesting.
A very good friend of mine reminded me, while he was laughing at me, that I would have to light one at the meeting. What was I going to do he asked? That part I have not figured out yet. I guess this blog will have to be; "to be continued."
posted by My Husband's Pampered Princess @ 6:08 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
lol. I guess you can light the cigarette and cough and cough and cough and cough. Then while you are trying to gather your lung back into your chest you can think of what to say. But by then the smoke break will be over and you can go back to work...lol
they have these "herbal" cigarettes that look good... or you could get those candy cigs we all thought were so cool when we were 10... you can take a "walk/smoke" break -- whenever I was steamed or stressed at work, I'd walk outside my office building and go for a power walk... worked every time!
Good Grief... You didn't think life was hard enough during the physical tests, so you decided to add ANOTHER handicap?
On the plus side, now you'll have plenty of face time in which the smokers can tell you about the terrible mistake you're making...
Ah well, Such is life.
I understand where you are coming from. I was able to resist the pressure for almost 2 years, until my team sergeant, squad leader and platoon sergeant all cornered me in the motor pool and explained that my work habits, (ie: no smoke break) were causing the rest of the platoon to suffer. While they were puffing, I was working and they looked bad.
Now here I am 12 years later a pack + a day habit and if I had to guess somewhere in the neighborhood of $10K spent polluting my lungs and killing myself.
I don't blame them for my decision to start smoking. Nor do I blame them for my weakness in not being able to stop (6 attempts to date). I definitely wish that I had not given in though.
Good luck on your endeavors, but remember nothing good comes from jelousy.
you can always light the cigarette and not smoke it, just let it burn down. it'll give you the break time and not mess with your health.
I worked with a person who insisted that she was addicted to Chocolate and that she needed just as many "chocolate" breaks as smokers needed smoke breaks. They let her have all the breaks too.
I am reminded of Navy boot camp a million years ago.
Periodically throughout the day the company would fall out for smoke breaks. Without fail, non-smokers would be sent to run ahead or to run back or whatever to keep them occupied while the smokers smoked. Of course, we weren't out of primary before the entire company was smoking.
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